Archive for Disney

King Of The Dogs: This Song’s A B***h

Posted in Stupid Bands, Track Review with tags , , , , , , on May 21, 2009 by peteymenz

 

King of the Reasons to Die Young

King of the Reasons to Quit While You're Ahead

Iggy Pop is not the greatest singer in the world.  Yes, he is the first and foremost reason people listen to the Stooges, but what he does is not so much sing as talk loudly (as best heard on the seminal “I Wanna Be Your Dog”) or talk excitedly and scream and whoop (nearly all other songs by the Stooges).  As I see it, the only time when Iggy actually sang in a normal manner and did this successfully was on 1977’s Lust For Life, his best solo album.  

Iggy Pop does not attempt to sing in a normal manner on his newest song, “King of the Dogs”, but it pretty much sucks nonetheless.  Simply put, he sounds like a weak Disney villain cranking out his musical number.  The plausibility of this is shocking; Iggy hasn’t done anything worthwhile in years, he’s pretty much lost any aura of danger, and he voiced a baby in the Rugrats movie.  I have concluded that Iggy Pop was slated to appear in a new Disney movie until executives decided it was a horrible idea.  His next album, Préliminaires, is not an album about French philosophy; it is the scrapped soundtrack to the movie, an excerpt of which appears below.

 

THE NEW FILM FROM DISNEY: JOHNNY AND THE KING OF THE DOGS

Johnny, a nice all-American-verging-on-Aryan youth walks into a dark cave.

JOHNNY (frightened): Gee, I sure hope I don’t meet the king of the dogs!

On cue, the King of the Dogs, voiced by aging punk rocker Iggy Pop, comes out.

King of the Dogs: Muahaha!

The King of the Dogs begins singing a song, entitled “King of the Dogs”.  It should have a cheesy jazz backing track, highlight none of Mr. Pop’s talent (self-mutilation, shooting up on heroin, being ripped, being bored in a transcendent manner), and generally suck.  Lyrically it should be clichéd and uninspired, but not in any enjoyable manner.  

Johnny stands in shock.  The song finishes.

JOHNNY (confused): Didn’t you use to be really cool and stuff? And make music that started punk rock?  And make a much better song about dogs? 

KING OF THE DOGS: Well…. it’s a step up from the Weirdness, isn’t it?

 

 

If you really want to hear the song, here it is on Pitchfork Media.

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Fight The Radio With Throbbing Gristle And Other Helpful Antidotes

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 16, 2008 by peteymenz

 

I don’t hate all popular music, but you could be fooled if I told you my opinion of the radio, which plays the safest, blandest stuff it can find. And in the wake of the Disney blitzkrieg of teen pop, John Mayer’s ubiquity, and Brian Eno’s newfound normalcy, stuff can get pretty bland.  One needs an antidote to this, and desperate times call for desperate measures.  Therefore, I present to you this list of the strongest alternative to the radio that there is.  

 

Throbbing Gristle- The Second Annual Report Of Throbbing Gristle:  This record is the first the world ever heard of industrial music.  It sounds absolutely nothing like Nine Inch Nails, to say the least.  Lyrically it deals with eating fetuses and testicles (Slug Bait), and the music is sludge without rock (especially the studio version of Maggot Death).  It drones on and on without actually playing any notes, simply generating painfully churning noise.  Highly recommended and, the perfect thing to play after hearing John Mayer bitch about the world not changing.

 

Suicide-Suicide: The most disturbing record ever recorded, Suicide’s first album is a bunch of cheap synthesizers and drum machines attempting to play rock and roll, which turns out not being comedic but utterly frightening; think Elvis Presley and the Stooges making a soundtrack for The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. If musically it’s unsettling, Alan Vega’s breathless delivery and horror films screams don’t make the atmosphere calmer.  Vega adds a sense of urgency to Martin Rev’s electronics, and in “Frankie Teardrop”, the duo created a masterful ten-minute piece that is the scariest piece of music ever recorded.  The perfect thing to play after the Jonas Brothers numb your brain.

 

Faust-Faust: Not as deliberately noisy as some of the other stuff on this list, Faust’s first record consists of three tracks, all over eight minutes, but it is one of the most fractured and fast-paced recordings ever, matched only by Faust’s third record, The Faust Tapes.  And it does have its noisy moments, including the first forty-five seconds of “Why Don’t You Eat Carrots?”, featuring the Beatles and the Stones lost in a haze of feedback and distortion.  If krautrock often tends towards drones and repetition, Faust simply did anything they wanted to do.  Perfect to play after you realize that every song on the radio sounds exactly the same.

 

Mars & DNA- John Gavanti: It doesn’t seem like Sumner Crane, Mark Cunningham, Ikue Mori, Don Burg, Arto Lindsay, and Duncan Lindsay are trying to make a noise record; in fact, this is an adaptation of Mozart’s Don Giovanni.  But it meanders along so tunelessly, it uses trash cans as percussion (at the same time as Einsturzende Neubauten started up), and Crane’s vocals are more bizarre than Beefheart or David Thomas.  Surreal in that it seems somewhat operatic, but it’s done in such a bizarre way it calls to mind the absurd yet ultra-realistic images of Dali and Magritte.  Perfect to play when Faust doesn’t work.

 

Whitehouse-Erector: If all else fails, put this on.  Whitehouse’s third record is the farthest noise music has ever gone; essentially, the twenty-six minute, four song album is composed of tinnitus inducing tones and William Bennett’s screaming.  There is barely a sound or a moment on the album that does not cause actual, physical pain, but the edge has to go to Bennett’s first vocal on the title track; after a few minutes of a synthesizer that sounds like a buzzsaw, he incomprehensibly screams “ERECTOR!” and high pitched feedback squeals and wreaks havoc with your brain waves.  Next to this, Metal Machine Music is for elevators.  Merzbow is New Age music.  Throbbing Gristle is rock and roll.  Erector is a noxious, suffocating album and the purest expression of noise music I know, which means it’s perfectly realized.  The perfect thing for really any problem you have with the blandness popular music; even a glance at the song titles (Erector, Shitfun, Socratisation Day, Avisodomy) will remove any unpleasant aftereffects from the radio.